Well the end of the week is here, and TGIF. The past couple of days haven't been what you might say as spectacular. But then again unless you're Bill Gates most weeks are not that spectacular.
First work was horrendous, and in health care that isn't a word you really want to hear. In two days time we did 78 cases, mostly cardiac catherizations. Then on the way home lost the cell phone. That may have been the highlight. My car went to the shop to have the check engine light fixed.That was better than expected. But right after I left the mechanic's, you betcha not one but 2 flat tires. So got those fixed without a problem. It was easy when I was only 2 blocks from the mechanics.
So where do you think all this is heading. Really once you read this just think your week may not be half as bad as the next person's. Because that is just the way I am looking at it. I did need a new phone, so I figured it;s God just telling me it's time to do just that. Yes work was busy, but at least I am working. Lastly I was glad I was as close to the mechanics with my flat tires. I could have been farther and going a lot faster.
So happy father's day to all, and remember "if we don't all start laughing we will go insane."
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The worst day of my life
I know it has been a few days since my last blog. But I have been trying to think and consider what I wanted to write. I am housebound today. that is due to the fact of my car is in the shop. So I think today should be like my car. Getting a tune up and changing the oil. so how to start is at the begining. The last day I saw the woman I loved after 21 years of marriage.
Patti as I have written before had been ill for quite some time. Migraines were her latest symptom. She would average 2 to 3 a week. She was trying every known remedy the doctors and friends would tell her about. I mean Reiko, to botox injections, and medications. They would ease the pain just never cure it. She had neuropathy in her legs and feet, she was on anti rejection medication for her kidney transplant. To all of you this may describe a woman in her 50's or 60's. Patti was 46, and had been this way since she was 35. But never a complaint did she utter to anyone but me. Her hospitalizations would be about every other month. When she first came down with renal failure and was placed on dialysis. She developed a seizure disorder. Which no one could diagnose, because they were masked by her diabetes. But still I loved her, and cared for her. I was once told other men would have walked with this going on. Me i decided it was for better or worse, and she was my best friend. She understood me, and my mood swings. My flaws and short comings. So she still loved me.
We had our problems. The usual I wasn't working hard enough. Making enough money. Not taking life seriously enough. Arguing was usually how our days went, and being angry at each other was how our nights went. But still we loved each other.
Mothers day weekend 2 years ago change my cycle of life. Patti was taking Nicole( my daughter) and going to the cape. So she could help take care of her mom who was seriously ill. I was going to have a couple of days with John to do father and son stuff. We would meet on the Sunday and go out for dinner to celebrate mother's day.Instead I spent Mother's day Planning my wife's funeral, not how envisioned it.
I kissed he goodbye, and hugged my daughter. Patti gave me my to do list, and said she would call me.
All day I didn't hear from her. Nicole called me and told me mommy was sick, she was throwing up and felt really sleepy. By 10:30 that night I finally talked to her. I offered immediately to come get her. She sounded tired and distant. She said" no it was just a bug" I felt something was wrong.I told her if she didn't feel any better go to the hospital. She said " okay I will have my sister take me in the morning."
The next day John and I went to do our thing. I had called my in laws house Nicole said Mom was sleeping, and had just asked for a blanket." have her call me on my cell when she gets up." I just had a feeling something wasn't right. A couple of hours later john answered my cell, and said" dad it's Nicole and she is crying."
"What's wrong"
"Mommies really." she was barely understandable.and then I heard my sister-in law come on the line.
"Shawn come quick I can't wake Patti up."
I drove the hour in a half drive in under 40minutes. When I arrived at the hospital, The ER receptionist told me to follow her. As we walked into the back she took me to the door marked ' Family Room' , and I knew it was bad. I walked in and Nicole was crying. My sister in law informed me that my Patti was gone, My mind said " You're wrong. Patti gets sick ,goes to the hospital gets better, and comes home." I had lost my wife, my best friend, and the only person I truly and honestly trusted.
Even after 25 months the pain and loss still feel like it did on the first day. So don't let anyone else tell you it get easier, because that is a lie. The pain just comes and goes like the tide. What you have to do is just be ready to surf the waves.
God bless and Keep on writing
Patti as I have written before had been ill for quite some time. Migraines were her latest symptom. She would average 2 to 3 a week. She was trying every known remedy the doctors and friends would tell her about. I mean Reiko, to botox injections, and medications. They would ease the pain just never cure it. She had neuropathy in her legs and feet, she was on anti rejection medication for her kidney transplant. To all of you this may describe a woman in her 50's or 60's. Patti was 46, and had been this way since she was 35. But never a complaint did she utter to anyone but me. Her hospitalizations would be about every other month. When she first came down with renal failure and was placed on dialysis. She developed a seizure disorder. Which no one could diagnose, because they were masked by her diabetes. But still I loved her, and cared for her. I was once told other men would have walked with this going on. Me i decided it was for better or worse, and she was my best friend. She understood me, and my mood swings. My flaws and short comings. So she still loved me.
We had our problems. The usual I wasn't working hard enough. Making enough money. Not taking life seriously enough. Arguing was usually how our days went, and being angry at each other was how our nights went. But still we loved each other.
Mothers day weekend 2 years ago change my cycle of life. Patti was taking Nicole( my daughter) and going to the cape. So she could help take care of her mom who was seriously ill. I was going to have a couple of days with John to do father and son stuff. We would meet on the Sunday and go out for dinner to celebrate mother's day.Instead I spent Mother's day Planning my wife's funeral, not how envisioned it.
I kissed he goodbye, and hugged my daughter. Patti gave me my to do list, and said she would call me.
All day I didn't hear from her. Nicole called me and told me mommy was sick, she was throwing up and felt really sleepy. By 10:30 that night I finally talked to her. I offered immediately to come get her. She sounded tired and distant. She said" no it was just a bug" I felt something was wrong.I told her if she didn't feel any better go to the hospital. She said " okay I will have my sister take me in the morning."
The next day John and I went to do our thing. I had called my in laws house Nicole said Mom was sleeping, and had just asked for a blanket." have her call me on my cell when she gets up." I just had a feeling something wasn't right. A couple of hours later john answered my cell, and said" dad it's Nicole and she is crying."
"What's wrong"
"Mommies really." she was barely understandable.and then I heard my sister-in law come on the line.
"Shawn come quick I can't wake Patti up."
I drove the hour in a half drive in under 40minutes. When I arrived at the hospital, The ER receptionist told me to follow her. As we walked into the back she took me to the door marked ' Family Room' , and I knew it was bad. I walked in and Nicole was crying. My sister in law informed me that my Patti was gone, My mind said " You're wrong. Patti gets sick ,goes to the hospital gets better, and comes home." I had lost my wife, my best friend, and the only person I truly and honestly trusted.
Even after 25 months the pain and loss still feel like it did on the first day. So don't let anyone else tell you it get easier, because that is a lie. The pain just comes and goes like the tide. What you have to do is just be ready to surf the waves.
God bless and Keep on writing
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A lazy Sunday, or what every day should be like
Well another start to the week ahead, and what shall God bring to it. I couldn't make it to church because My daughter needed a ride to work. Hopefully she will have her license soon, and then god help us all. So I read a little bible, watched Charles Stanley,and cooked breakfast.
I decided i needed to get some writing done. I worked out that I would drop off my daughter. Then off to the local Starbucks. I wonder why writers and academics flee to the Starbucks. Maybe a story idea out of that one.
I took the laptop, sure enough in little less then 2 hours I pumped out my first story. I got home and submitted online. I let my son review it. I think he was a little impressed with it.
I also learned that when your children are frightened of you. They don't make the best literary critics. When I told him he would not be placed on the racked, or drawn and quartered. He gave me his honest opinion He liked it, and said he wished it was longer. I told him I was limited by the word count for the contest. He said " Oh in that case it is very good."
But again he is bias. Notice I didn't let my daughter read it. Why? Because she thinks that this writing thing her dad is doing is lame. So stay away from hostile critics.
Once I have heard I will post it here, and let the masses tear me apart. But what better way to learn.
The rest of the day is just me doing what I love to do most. Cooking, Getting ready for work tomorrow, Placing hot pokers in my eyes at the thought of work. Oh sorry did I write that.
Well til tomorrow. Thank al of you who take the time to read this drivel that I spew. May your days be happy ones, and your nights be spent sleeping in beautiful peace.
I decided i needed to get some writing done. I worked out that I would drop off my daughter. Then off to the local Starbucks. I wonder why writers and academics flee to the Starbucks. Maybe a story idea out of that one.
I took the laptop, sure enough in little less then 2 hours I pumped out my first story. I got home and submitted online. I let my son review it. I think he was a little impressed with it.
I also learned that when your children are frightened of you. They don't make the best literary critics. When I told him he would not be placed on the racked, or drawn and quartered. He gave me his honest opinion He liked it, and said he wished it was longer. I told him I was limited by the word count for the contest. He said " Oh in that case it is very good."
But again he is bias. Notice I didn't let my daughter read it. Why? Because she thinks that this writing thing her dad is doing is lame. So stay away from hostile critics.
Once I have heard I will post it here, and let the masses tear me apart. But what better way to learn.
The rest of the day is just me doing what I love to do most. Cooking, Getting ready for work tomorrow, Placing hot pokers in my eyes at the thought of work. Oh sorry did I write that.
Well til tomorrow. Thank al of you who take the time to read this drivel that I spew. May your days be happy ones, and your nights be spent sleeping in beautiful peace.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Why these times try me so
Well the week is finally over. It didn't go the way i had hoped. Work was work and we did almost 175 cases. Friday was the worst. None of the cases went as smoothly as I had hoped.
Then in the middle of the week, my check engine light came on, which means we shall see.My son still not any closer to working then I had hoped. This means we are running behind on finances.
My daughter is having trouble with her best friend. I am at a loss as to how to advise her. The bible says god will only give you as much as you can handle. I am hoping and praying that He has seen fit to give me my share this go around.
I am sorry if this writing seems a little whiny. Matter of fact it sounds that way to me as well. But I am hoping that my writing about my life will reach someone as well. To show them that it isn't really as bad as it seems,well almost.
The good news is that the story I am writing for my first contest is almost done. I have to do some fine tuning. I am at 975 words so need to edit it down to 750, and change the story line a little bit as well. I have been doing a lot of reading of some very good short stories, and am contemplating that realm of writing.
I am also going out tomorrow and do some landscaping photos, another of my hobbies.
I hope by doing this it may relieve some of the anxiety of the previous week.
So for now god bless to all, and keep on writing.
Then in the middle of the week, my check engine light came on, which means we shall see.My son still not any closer to working then I had hoped. This means we are running behind on finances.
My daughter is having trouble with her best friend. I am at a loss as to how to advise her. The bible says god will only give you as much as you can handle. I am hoping and praying that He has seen fit to give me my share this go around.
I am sorry if this writing seems a little whiny. Matter of fact it sounds that way to me as well. But I am hoping that my writing about my life will reach someone as well. To show them that it isn't really as bad as it seems,well almost.
The good news is that the story I am writing for my first contest is almost done. I have to do some fine tuning. I am at 975 words so need to edit it down to 750, and change the story line a little bit as well. I have been doing a lot of reading of some very good short stories, and am contemplating that realm of writing.
I am also going out tomorrow and do some landscaping photos, another of my hobbies.
I hope by doing this it may relieve some of the anxiety of the previous week.
So for now god bless to all, and keep on writing.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Is it truly like father like son
My daughter and son are two opposites. First my son, he is 20 soon to be 21 years old. He loves to read, video games, and television. Now I wish he would take that energy and put it towards his life.
I can tell you he is a great and kind human being. When he focus's on a goal there is no stopping him in attaining it. I think at least part of the way he is turning out is my fault. When he was younger I left most of his upbringing to his mom. I was always working, and when I would get home i wouldn't spend to much time with him. Mainly because working nights meant sleeping days. Which did't leave much time for family bonding.
Then My wife became pregnantwith our second child. This pregnancy didn't go according to hoyle. She was constantly in and out of the hospital. several times taken out by ambulance. So what happened was, the t.v. became my babysitter. It was just easier. I know seeing your mom at five years old taken out by ambulances couldn't have helped either.
When his sister was born again he was placed second. Due to janey being born 3 months premature. She came home on monitoring, and all sorts of problems. My wife was also recovering. The pregnanacy had caused her kidneys to shutdown. So that couldn't have helped either.
I know these all excuses do not justufy Johns behavior. But could they really have helped? I will write further on this in the coming days. I also welcome any comments from any parents. This is a whole new realm for me.
I can tell you he is a great and kind human being. When he focus's on a goal there is no stopping him in attaining it. I think at least part of the way he is turning out is my fault. When he was younger I left most of his upbringing to his mom. I was always working, and when I would get home i wouldn't spend to much time with him. Mainly because working nights meant sleeping days. Which did't leave much time for family bonding.
Then My wife became pregnantwith our second child. This pregnancy didn't go according to hoyle. She was constantly in and out of the hospital. several times taken out by ambulance. So what happened was, the t.v. became my babysitter. It was just easier. I know seeing your mom at five years old taken out by ambulances couldn't have helped either.
When his sister was born again he was placed second. Due to janey being born 3 months premature. She came home on monitoring, and all sorts of problems. My wife was also recovering. The pregnanacy had caused her kidneys to shutdown. So that couldn't have helped either.
I know these all excuses do not justufy Johns behavior. But could they really have helped? I will write further on this in the coming days. I also welcome any comments from any parents. This is a whole new realm for me.
Monday, June 8, 2009
What I do and why I do it
I have told you I work in health care. That part is true. M mom actually got me started. She had worked in our local hospital as a nurses aide. She had done this since as long as I could remember. That was her night job,during the day she worked as a meat wrapper in the local Market. Both my parents worked 2 jobs, and never ones that most people would say made sense. My father worked during the day as a granite cutter in the quarry in our town. At night he was the head chef in an Italian restaurant. Which was funny because my dad was a full blooded American Indian.
But I digress. After my dad passed away.My mother would bring me to the hospital to keep me out of trouble. So by the time I as ten,I could wrap an OR kit, and run it through a sterilizer. I knew the stocking level on most of the floors, and finally how to give a bed bath before I even turned 12. Impressive some might say. But not necessarily a normal childhood.
My mother raised me to believe .That if you worked in hospital well you would always have a job. She always encourage me to do hospital care. So that is what i have done. But not maybe for the reasons you may think.
I enjoy taking care of people. I find it very rewarding. My job basically entails assisting nurses and physicians in doing their jobs. I prepare the patient both physically, and mentally for procedures that they are about to under go.
Mentally I try to allay their fears.Because fear of the unknown is really the most terrifying for a human being. Than any other emotion. So being greeted by a smile. A joke or two will probably lighten the mood.
Some words of advice about coming to the hospital,or doctors office. Please if you arrive early do not think you are coming in early. Old wives tale. If you arrive late plan on waiting. Because early or late medical time is totally different than human time. Everyone waits, it is a rule that you are entering a hurry up and wait world. Your in a hurry we make you wait.
Second whatever anyone tells you multiply it by three. If someone says " We will be with you in a couple of minutes." That means at least 6 to 12 minutes. If you hear " It will take about an hour before we can do the x-ray." that equals a three hour wait just to be told " It may be another 15 to 20 minutes." which means another 45 minute wait. Then you go to another room to get changed into that lovely Johnie. Then your told it will be 5 to 10 minutes more, and you wait a half hour.
So as a rule of thumb. If you can do it. Take the day off for any type of medical visit. That way if it moves right along,
it will be a gift.
More on the ever changing world of health care. Also my adventures in this ever changing writer's adventure.
But I digress. After my dad passed away.My mother would bring me to the hospital to keep me out of trouble. So by the time I as ten,I could wrap an OR kit, and run it through a sterilizer. I knew the stocking level on most of the floors, and finally how to give a bed bath before I even turned 12. Impressive some might say. But not necessarily a normal childhood.
My mother raised me to believe .That if you worked in hospital well you would always have a job. She always encourage me to do hospital care. So that is what i have done. But not maybe for the reasons you may think.
I enjoy taking care of people. I find it very rewarding. My job basically entails assisting nurses and physicians in doing their jobs. I prepare the patient both physically, and mentally for procedures that they are about to under go.
Mentally I try to allay their fears.Because fear of the unknown is really the most terrifying for a human being. Than any other emotion. So being greeted by a smile. A joke or two will probably lighten the mood.
Some words of advice about coming to the hospital,or doctors office. Please if you arrive early do not think you are coming in early. Old wives tale. If you arrive late plan on waiting. Because early or late medical time is totally different than human time. Everyone waits, it is a rule that you are entering a hurry up and wait world. Your in a hurry we make you wait.
Second whatever anyone tells you multiply it by three. If someone says " We will be with you in a couple of minutes." That means at least 6 to 12 minutes. If you hear " It will take about an hour before we can do the x-ray." that equals a three hour wait just to be told " It may be another 15 to 20 minutes." which means another 45 minute wait. Then you go to another room to get changed into that lovely Johnie. Then your told it will be 5 to 10 minutes more, and you wait a half hour.
So as a rule of thumb. If you can do it. Take the day off for any type of medical visit. That way if it moves right along,
it will be a gift.
More on the ever changing world of health care. Also my adventures in this ever changing writer's adventure.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
How a marriage starts,or what not to do when you are in love
On today's date at 1pm I was married. The day started with my best man almost getting arrested on the way to the wedding. It ended with my new wife and I getting locked out of out hotel room at 3 in the morning.
We had been taken to the hotel by none other than her father. Who we both believed if he could have gone up to the room with us he would have. That was my first day with my new bride.It took 2 days for me even to say that I was married. But through that whole day I knew that I loved her.
The biggest question I think that people ponder is, what is love? well my answer came when I got married. I think that love is when two human beings can be themselves totally. No trying to impress each other,or feeling they have to act a certain way. It means both parties feel the kindred emotion of total acceptance.
That was how I felt about my wife. Yes through the years we had are battles,but we both realized the a relationship was like work. Both parties giving and taking,but for the same goal. To remain together forever. Communication with another human being is critical,after all nobody is a mind reader.Again just my opinion.
I mentioned my best man almost getting arrested. It is a very amusing story
It started that morning at his house,We all were recovering from my bachelor party from the night before. All of us woke up late,and e had an hours drive to the church. Somehow we managed to get out of the house in record time, and Dennis jumped into the driver's seat.
We must have been doing eighty down the highway. Twenty minutes into the drive I hear the siren, and Dennis says " crap I don't have my license." I thought he forgot his wallet so I wasn't concerned.
I was wrong, Dennis Told me right then that he had lost his license because of a DUI charge. I then thought we are so screwed.
He pulled over and the state trooper came to the window.
"License and registration." he gruffly said
"I can give you the registration, but I don't have a license officer." Dennis reluctantly said.
The trooper looked in the car, and asked where we were going?
" I am getting married today, and he is my best man."
"Not today he isn't, today he is under arrest."
Dennis proceeded to exit the car, as the officer told him to do.
But than he started taking his tux off."what the hell you doing."
screamed the trooper.
" If I get arrested, then he's going to need this tux for someone else."
The trooper told him to stop as he got to his shorts, and then asked if anybody else could drive. Dennis's brother said he could
drive.
"Okay you put your clothes back on, and you get behind the wheel. Then follow me."
That trooper gave us an escort all the way to the church. I think just to verify we weren't making it up. Not because he was being nice.
I got there 10 minutes ahead of my bride, and all she heard about the incident was that we almost got arrested. She went through the entire ceremony wondering what the hell happened.
Well that's enough for today, and may you all have a blessed Sunday. Stay tuned because if this is how it starts, think how the rest is going to go.
We had been taken to the hotel by none other than her father. Who we both believed if he could have gone up to the room with us he would have. That was my first day with my new bride.It took 2 days for me even to say that I was married. But through that whole day I knew that I loved her.
The biggest question I think that people ponder is, what is love? well my answer came when I got married. I think that love is when two human beings can be themselves totally. No trying to impress each other,or feeling they have to act a certain way. It means both parties feel the kindred emotion of total acceptance.
That was how I felt about my wife. Yes through the years we had are battles,but we both realized the a relationship was like work. Both parties giving and taking,but for the same goal. To remain together forever. Communication with another human being is critical,after all nobody is a mind reader.Again just my opinion.
I mentioned my best man almost getting arrested. It is a very amusing story
It started that morning at his house,We all were recovering from my bachelor party from the night before. All of us woke up late,and e had an hours drive to the church. Somehow we managed to get out of the house in record time, and Dennis jumped into the driver's seat.
We must have been doing eighty down the highway. Twenty minutes into the drive I hear the siren, and Dennis says " crap I don't have my license." I thought he forgot his wallet so I wasn't concerned.
I was wrong, Dennis Told me right then that he had lost his license because of a DUI charge. I then thought we are so screwed.
He pulled over and the state trooper came to the window.
"License and registration." he gruffly said
"I can give you the registration, but I don't have a license officer." Dennis reluctantly said.
The trooper looked in the car, and asked where we were going?
" I am getting married today, and he is my best man."
"Not today he isn't, today he is under arrest."
Dennis proceeded to exit the car, as the officer told him to do.
But than he started taking his tux off."what the hell you doing."
screamed the trooper.
" If I get arrested, then he's going to need this tux for someone else."
The trooper told him to stop as he got to his shorts, and then asked if anybody else could drive. Dennis's brother said he could
drive.
"Okay you put your clothes back on, and you get behind the wheel. Then follow me."
That trooper gave us an escort all the way to the church. I think just to verify we weren't making it up. Not because he was being nice.
I got there 10 minutes ahead of my bride, and all she heard about the incident was that we almost got arrested. She went through the entire ceremony wondering what the hell happened.
Well that's enough for today, and may you all have a blessed Sunday. Stay tuned because if this is how it starts, think how the rest is going to go.
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